The Melodrama of Ryan (Circa March 2002 - 8th Grade)

[The following features journal entries from the time in my life when I was extremely dramatic and boy-crazy.  This particular boy was a fascination of mine for about 2-3 months of my life, which is a long time when you're in middle school.  His name has been changed to protect his identity.  After the completion of these journal entries, "Ryan" went on to great things...ish.  He eventually decided to become gay.  If you're wondering where I developed such awful taste in boys, you're not the only one.  Enjoy!]

          Dear J.C. [How I referred to Jesus in my middle school journaling; He my home boy],
                  Today Ryan hugged me!  I know, you're probably wondering why, right?  Like you don't know already!  Well, over Spring Break, his g-ma died.  So when he came to school on Monday, I asked him what was wrong, cuz he seemed kinda bummed out.  He told me about his g-ma, so I decided to make a card for him from "the FCA."  [We were both FCA leaders in the 8th grade, so I guess I wasn't totally off-base in liking him, right?]
                  Well, I worked all morning cutting out letters with help from Ashley and Hannah, cutting out hearts, and gluing it all together with help from Meghan and Hannah. [So, technically, I wasn't the only one working, though I'm taking all the credit here.  So humble of me.]  I was gonna give it to him yesterday, the day I made it, but Leigh-Anne wanted to sign it, so I gave it to him today after Chorus.  I was just gonna give it to him and go [Oh, the emotional maturity of a middle schooler], but he grabbed my arm b4 I could.  *SIGH*  [I don't know what disturbs me more here; my inability to spell words out, or my near-swoon because a boy grabbed my arm.]
                  Anyway, after he read it, he hugged me!  I was like "Wow!" all through the day!

          JC,
                  Well, me and you have a lot of catching up to do!  Today after school, the FCA had a "Power Blast" which included a skit brought to you by the FCA Leadership Team.  ANYWAY, of course, Ryan just had to be Jesus in this skit, and I bet he would have made you proud!  [Gag.]  Well, yesterday morning, we had practice for the skit, but I wasn't at school b/c I didn't feel too well (female problem...)  Anyway, so when I came to school early this morning, I expected Ryan to say how much he missed me yesterday, etc., etc., and me to live happily ever after in Ryan-land...*SIGH* [there I go with the sighing again!]...NOT GONNA HAPPEN!
                  Turns out he was suspended for 5 days, starting today, for supposedly sexually harassing J.M. and some other girls.  And he admitted it!  I was so shocked! [as exhibited by my overuse of exclamation points].  I never believed he could be capable of such a thing...I dunno...maybe he was "framed," because I mean, c'mon, it's J.M. we're talking about!  [Picture J.M. as a present-day Lindsay Lohan or Miley Cyrus, and you'll understand my disbelief as to why anyone would want to sexually harass her.]

          Dear JC,
                   He's coming back tomorrow!  I'm kinda nervous about it, though, because I don't know what to do or say.  I hope he's not going to be bitter or vindictive about it... Ugh!  What to wear?... Am I being shallow and insensitive by worrying about what to wear...?  [Of course not; the Kardashians do it all the time. *SARCASM*]
                   Anyway, I haven't even told you about Boyd yet [this guy in my youth group from middle school].  Well, Sunday night before the DU [Destination Unknown], he asked me if I was doing the media fast.  Well to make an extremely long story supremely short [where did I come up with this stuff?!], I agreed to be his accountability partner.  [A word of advice, ladies; NEVER agree to be a guy's accountability partner!  It's just a ploy to get into your...Bible.  *cough*]  So, on Monday night, I called him to ask if he had - in any way - broken his commitment.  Well, to make ANOTHER extremely long story supremely short [seriously, if I could time travel, I would go back to that moment and smack myself so hard], we flirted, hung up, and I immediately called Hannah [the pastor's daughter and my best friend] and confessed my unholy thoughts... [because to middle-school me, flirting was desperately wicked and sinful].
                   Well, last night, I called Hannah, we tried to 3-way him to find out if he liked me [3-way calling; the most drama you can get out of a night at home], he wasn't home, then my sister had to use the phone, he called during that time, my mom started asking questions which I dodged expertly if I do say so myself, I called him back, talked awhile, called Hannah, was going to try 3-waying him again, but his line was busy, went on-line to talk to Hannah, then had to go to the weekly softball game...*BREATH*  Sorry, that was a very extremely long story very supremely short [that's it, 14-year-old me.  You're grounded.  Forever.]                      WELL... Now you've heard me confess my sins and transgressions, so I must rest, for all this confessing has tired me greatly!  To be continued...  "Make sure to read tomorrow's entry which will answer the questions:  'Happy Ryan, or not Happy Ryan? That is the question.'  And will Chrissy truly be over Lance [another guy I liked at the time], or will his seductive smile seduce her again?  And who will Ashley flirt with next?  And is Boyd the one for Chrissy, or not?...  So be sure to tune in tomorrow for the continuation of...CHRISSY'S WORLD!! (in color!)  [As I sit here and read this, there are no words to describe the level of humiliation I feel at my stupidity.]

          Dear JC,
                   Well, Ryan came back today!  And in case you were probably wondering, even though you probably weren't, I wore my fave pair of denim jeans and a Denison shirt, as usual, but my hair looked extremely and supremely pretty!  [Kind of wondering if maybe those were vocab words I went a little overboard with.]
                   Anyway, I was in Mrs. Smith's room, trying to figure out what we were going to do in the next FCA meeting, when he walked in.  I was facing away from him, and Mrs. Smith was out running errands, so I had the room all to myself... [Bow chicka bow wow!  Just kidding.  Gross.]  I instinctively knew it was him without having to turn my head and look.  But I wanted to look; I wanted to jump up and run over and hug him and never let go, but I just sat there and took deep, calming breaths.  [Because that's not dramatic at all.]  It seemed like an eternity while I turned my upper body to face him...how would he look?  Would he be sad, mad, scared to face me...what?  [OH, the suspense! OH, the...nausea.  *Barf*]
                   Instead, he looked just like the sweet, easygoing Ryan I had seen and known forever before.  I smiled, and he smiled back.  "Ryan," I said, or was it "hi"?  Whatever it was, he said it back, and everything was just as it should be, if only between us... [I think I just threw up.]

(Later, after Mrs. Smith returned to her room, and we were all reunited):
     "Bye, Mrs. Smith!  Since you don't need me anymore this morning, I'm leaving," I said.  [I guess at this point, I decided to flex my literary muscles and attempt to write this in story form.]
     "Ok," she said absentmindedly, and waved me off.
     "Where are you going?" Ryan asked.  I shook my head as I grabbed my bookbag and walked out, knowing that if he wanted to talk to me, he'd follow.  He did.  [I was such a manipulative genius...]
     "What was that about?" he asked as we walked away aimlessly.  Bunches of students milled around in clusters, doing whatever students do before the bell rings in the morning.
     "I just wanted to get away from her (Mrs. Smith).  You should have heard the way she was talking about you this morning..."
     He did a double-take.  "What?!"
     I had done it again.  Opened my big mouth and let something totally unexpected drop out, and it wasn't spit [as if I wasn't totally plotting to tell him in the first place.  Oh, woe is me, I'm such a victim, blah, blah, blah.  I knew perfectly well what I was doing.]
     "Where are we going?" I asked, trying to change the subject.  He didn't take the hint.
     "What did -"
     "Chrissy!"  It was Lyndsay.  Glad to have an interruption, I turned toward her.  "Are you and Ryan going out?"  [Really, Lyndsay, right in front of Ryan?  How classy...not.  *sigh*  The social etiquette of middle school...]
     "What? No!" I sputtered, and turned on my heel and followed Ryan into the Chorus room, astounded.  I knew people were talking about us, but I never knew they could be so BLATANT about it!
     "Chrissy...Chrissy...CHRISSY!"  It was Lance, who had been listening in on the question Lyndsay asked.  I spun around and glared at him, suddenly becoming furious that people could be so rude.
     "WHAT?" I bellowed (if you can imagine a female bellowing).
     His expression suddenly changed to innocent and defensive.  "I just wanted to know if you had FCA today; geez!"
     Firstly, Lance has never in his life been to an FCA meeting.  Secondly, he has never in his life inquired about FCA.  And lastly, that was plainly not the question he wanted to ask...
     "No!" I said, and slammed the door in his face.  (Well, kinda, cuz it's really hard to close one of those doors!)  I turned back to Ryan, and he motioned me into one of the chairs.  I sighed, and, knowing the real meaning of that gesture, resigned myself to the inevitable, sat down, and told him everything Mrs Smith had said about believing he had actually sexually harassed J.M., etc., etc.
     Just then, I saw the two people I least wanted to see enter the room, Renard and Josh [actual names].  Renard, who had been yelling out, "Hey Chrissy, you like Ryan Eldridge?" over the din of the outside crowd just a minute ago, should get the award for middle school's most annoying, perverted jerk.  Need I say more?
     And Josh, well, I didn't want to see Josh b/c I hate the way he just looks at you, and you know what he's thinking, even before he says it.  And when he does say something, most of the time, you wish he would shut up.  I mean, it's not like he talks a lot or anything, but, well...you know.
     So, they walk in, and Renard just looks ... you know, one of those Josh looks ... and I know he's gonna say something, but before he does, Jay Morris walks in (well, more like waddles in, because he's wearing those huge bellbottoms; the ones that are so big, it's like two skirts have been sewn together!)
     Well, Renard would never, in a million years, pass up this opportunity, so Ryan and I make our escape.        

    While we were walking to the cafeteria, we stopped and talked to some 7th graders.  After that, we were just standing around by the picnic tables, and I finally asked the question that had been on my mind all that morning - "What happened?"

     I had failed my plan.  See, my plan was to act all cool and laid back, and wait until everyone else asked before I even said, "hi," to him and let him decide to tell me, but no!
     He didn't blow up at me for asking, he just took it with the easy self-assurance and collectiveness he has [Lord, I am too free with my compliments of the opposite sex.  It obviously didn't take much to impress me.]  He didn't get bitter; he just treated it like someone had asked him what last night's homework was or if today's weather wasn't the most beautiful ever.
     Since I seem to be making supremely short stories extremely long today [Gee, you think?], I think I'll summarize his answer.  It went something to this effect if I remember:
     1.  He didn't do it (Yay! I was right!)
     2.  He admitted to it because he got so fed up with Mr. Wilson asking him and not believing the answer, that he "confessed."
     3. He was supposedly accused of allegedly feeling on J.M. and grabbing her butt.
     Well, now you know all I know, because the bell rang, and I haven't seen him since.  And I don't know his phone number [wow, obviously this whole love affair was all in my head if I didn't even have his digits!], so I can't call him.  Umm...I've lost the writing bug, it's 11 pm, and I'm tired, so I'll write about the rest of my day tomorrow.  I know, you're sad, but you'll get over it...

     GOODNIGHT... Did Ryan really do it?  Please help J.M., Lord...Well *yawn*...I...love...you...Lord...

[Well, that pretty much signaled the end of my love affair with Ryan.  We never even went on a single date or had a single telephone conversation.  Pretty pathetic if you ask me.  Although, my writing wasn't too bad in the last entry :)  So, in conclusion, I hope you enjoyed...and don't hate the player, hate the game.]